A Journey Begins
cold clenching fist within
anxiety rises unbidden
reaction to the situation
and I cannot put it aside
there is no justification
and no acceptable reason
for feeling physically ill
for me, it simply happens
a slow constant building
gnawing at me from inside
churning away in my stomach
I feel the coldness even now
it comes to me at night
when defenses are down
as sweet sleep soothes me
it torments my dreams
cold sweat on my brow
hands clench and release
I lie panting and gasping
nightmares dancing still
I wake still hearing the voices
taunting me from the dream
and fear they are right
I will always be a failure
I push myself to excel
to be the best at what I do
while procrastinating also
because I live with my fear
I live with paradoxical fear
that I will certainly fail
and the other, far greater
the fear that I will succeed
procrastination is but the child
born of this unhealthy war
that rages in my world
seeking to take my sanity
from looking deep within
one can see the hidden truths
changing forever the image
you see in the mirror each day
my journey must continue.
Yeah...that's how I feel a lot of the times
ReplyDeleteBrave, honest and universal... although few will see or admit it. I applaud you and wonder if I might not learn something about myself while watching you.... HUGS
ReplyDeleteRisk, fear of the unknown. Never sure if our friends will still be our friends if they really knew us; but, they are our friends and we likely don't know them any better that they've been willing to let us know . . .
ReplyDeleteIs there comfort in failure? At least we know where we stand. Success could be a new place. Risk, fear of the unknown . . .
The truth of the matter is most people, who come to know all of you, the totality of you, either take advantage of that knowledge or find a way to lord it over you. They judge you, make fun of you, are disappointed in you, avoid you. These are just some of the fears. Although we are adults, we respond like helpless children. You would not let those you love accept such treatment - such negativity. What would you tell them?
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