what happened to the rain?
it used to be warm and gentle
soothing the earth with its kiss
leaving everything fresh and sweet
then something happened
the wind got bolder
the rain got colder
and I got older
I swear I have pains now
places I never had joints before
I have no need for any barometer
just try to stand up and go walking
yes something certainly happened
now the wind has a harsh bite
and the rain turned white
so I say good night
I am totally not ready for winter......
A wonderful tribute to the aging process, to those who experience it. It's poetic but not glossing it over.
ReplyDeletebolder, colder, older...excellent!!
bite, white, night...all the words work well together.
Every other stanza has the rhyming pattern. I like that. It hits the reader with a kind of beat of the drum, each line shorter, passion showing in that structure.
Did you invent that pattern? Does anyone know if that pattern has a name?
Connie, I have no idea if there is a name for it or if I even invented it. All I know is it felt to me like a good way to form the thoughts. the building up and the fading away in the pairs, 1&2, 3&4, are intended to create the sharper conclusions. I sort of hope it did that. As I have said on manny occasions, I do what feels right to me when I write and have no serious formal training (which I am sure the pros notice straight away, and I thank them for not being cruel in pointing that out) and so I find patterns seem to fit my thoughts or even come first. There are a few written this year in which I found the pattern before the first words appeared. It was not long after the form started dancing along the ridges in my gray matter before the words started to play along.
ReplyDeleteAlthough there is no winter here, I can empathise. The rain does really bring pain and aches. I like this too as it is not an overly long poem.
ReplyDelete